The thing called ‘YOU” (just a thought)
Saturday, November 10th, 2007Just a thought that came
inside my mind. I don’t plan on writing this down, because i don’t know if it’s
something important.
Why am I here? a question
that have a lot of answers, but I’m thinking which of those answers will make
me stop asking that question to myself.
I’ve been planning my life,
my future since the day i knew love. Some things made it, some didn’t!.
But I still keep my dreams my
plans inside my heart.
Lately, I’ve been thinking
about what’s happening with my life. Is’t going somewhere?, Am I going somewhere with my plans, with my
dreams?
I see my life revolves in
just my own space. It’s like a circle where nobody’s there, but me.
I know I have lovable and
sincere friends, but still I found myself that it’s like i don’t exist.
Sometimes, whenever I go home
from work, from the time i sat inside the train.. my minds telling me "at
last I don’t have to fake that I’m just okay, I can be me and I can look around
and never force myself to smile."
There are times when i opened
the door of my room. I just stood there, rest my head to the edge of the wall
and think what’s up for the day?1?. I just stayed inside my room, I tried to
keep myself busy, play games, surf the net, watch movies…and I do that everyday
7 days a week.
I don’t know if I’m keeping
myself off the world, or am I just that
busy and I have no spare time to go out and see what’s out there.
Whenever I silently sat by
myself, And there’s nothing left for me to do, but think. I can hear my heart
clearly, It’s crying, it’s hurting. Some will say I don’t deserved what my life
had been, but I’ve learned to love my life…because I have to, because I don’t
have a choice. But why is that whenever there’s something that came by and I
have a choice, and I know truly that what I picked between A and B or X and Y is the right one,
is the right way, and the right thing to do, but it turns out it makes me feel
hurt even more. Why is that those people that I knew and knows that they are
better and kind who makes a difference from what is wrong, I kept them inside
my heart and still here in my heart, but they just passed me by. Whenever I
start to give importance to something and to someone, next thing will happen..
I’ll realize they’re just gone. Sometimes, I want to be nonchalant about
everything, because some people thought that my life is just easy. It feels
like no one cares of what I really want, what I really feel, what my heart
desires. Honestly I’m tired of understanding everything and everyone. There are
battles in my life that I already gave up to…sometimes instead of fighting my
way through it, It’s like I’m trying to go to the direction of giving it all
up. Because I don’t know who am I battling my life with and for what. Am I
doing this for a better life, so those people i expect to be happy for me, for once say “You’ve done
well”, or just to survive everyday and live without a reason of why am I here.
